Long time no see

hello hello. 

it has beeeeeeen a long while since I update something here. 

it's has been a while really. 

so occupied each day, everyday. 

so occupied with work work work work. 

sometimes I think - if this is the real kind of life? is this gonna last for the next 30 years in order to survive?!

ughhh. yes, I do think about it but at the end, I will end up doing the same routine everyday - 

which is wake up, breakfast, work, sometimes lunch sometimes no lunch, back home, dinner and sleep and repeat. 

finally feeling the real shit in the world - to earn money and to survive. 

constantly fighting mentally to earn more money or to live a bloody life. 

what's an ideal life actually...?

let me think...

my ideal life would be being happy? but how happy is happy? how can I define happy? how do you define happy? 

I'd thought of taking a break from work, just a short break, doing nothing but wandering around and listen to songs I like, searching for more songs I like and eating food I like, and maybe some baking/cooking, getting my hair done, getting my nails done and of coz shopping. 

all these break - required money. 

so how can I take a break if I don't have enough to spare for all those break I mentioned lol. 

everything has a value to pay. 

you can't buy happiness but perhaps a little money could bring you happiness. 

am I money minded? 

am I too worry? 

am I going crazy? 

work has been super stressed - it is not even funny. 

my body is trying to cop but it is definitely struggling. 

I need to take up meditation or I should learn to not think anything related to work after work and also forget about all the shits I faced at work. 

I really need to pick up that 'skill' ASAP. 

coz the stress is kinda killing me inside out. 

I don't wanna go home angrily or sadly and black faced ZW and Ern. 

that's immoral. 

I don't wanna bring back all the negative energy home. 

I don't wanna bring all the shits to my bed. 

I want a good sleep and not dreaming about work omg. 

working is just unbelievable. 

so much skill I have to pick up man - 

first skill to learn - protect yourself, cover yourself first no matter what. 

second - same as the above. 

third - same as the above. 

yes, cover yourself first. 

selfish? 

yes it is. it definitely yes. 

if you don't cover yourself, you will not be able to survive in the society. 

how sad is it...

but this is how the world rolls.

anyway, I've got quite many people asking me what the hell am I doing now. 

I thought of nobody or not many people reads my blog but whatever am gonna jot down for myself too. 

so I am an assistant manager - to be precise - 

I am Assistant Analytical Service Manager (ASM). 

so what is ASM? what it does? what is the job scope? 

so, as an ASM in the lab, I work between clients and lab. 

in this lab I work with now - they test soil, water, air and building materials. 

it's an enviromental testing lab. 

so, my main job is to make sure the lab has a worklist everyday so they don't miss any test. 

if they don't miss any test, we will have happy client. 

and happy client is happy me, happy manager and happy bosses.

but good things never come so easily. 

everyday is a war for me. 

battling between clients, lab and head sections. 

woohoo everyday blood flow so fast. 

blood flow even faster and body feeling even hotter when the office turn on the bloody heater all freaking day loooooong. 

anyway, it sounds like this role is damn easy right?

let me tell you - how about nooooo?

it's stressful. 

coz everyday I will be pull to so many different directions. 

it's not like we have only 1 client everyday...

we have so many of them and we only have two of us (my manager and me). 

one thing I have to mention anyhow is that - 

my manager is really good lah. 

she is patient. 

she is caring. 

but she is a perfectionist. 

so that puts me in a even more stressful situation. 

she asks me questions everyday as if I am having an oral test and IQ test lol. 

I always panic. yes. 

I get panic very bloody easily. 

anyway...she is good. 

she taught me a lot. 

bare in mind - I am not a fast learner. 

so yes to teach me something - repeating is unavoidable lol. 

anyway -I can't do poker face la. 

if I am not happy, I am not happy. 

my face will not poker to be I am happy. 

so I sometimes no poker face my manager I feel damn bad but I can't control - YET. 

so yeah - this is another skill to pick up at work - Poker Face. 

Remember - this is super important. 

alrighty....

that's all for now I guess. 

I am sleepy. 

thank God Monday is going to be gone sooon. 

Monday is so blue.