More than a cup of Latte.

Hello. I have been busy. Busy packing my stuffs, busy following up emails, busy meeting up people and busy with nothing or too much of thinking. And I just got home from a tea session with my pastor before I leave.

The topic "More than a cup of Latte" - I ordered a cup of Latte while having the last meet up with Pastor Corina before I leave. We don't have much time to talk, just a short meet up session but we talked a lot. from church to God to love to family to food to life. Thank you for all the advises  thank you for the prayers, thank you for telling me life is really a long journey, thank you for telling me life is a choice, thank you for everything. I promise, to be a good person even when I am away from Malaysia. I guess I am leaving with regrets that I can't meet Pastor Zion and the other church mates. Yes, I will come back and you might think that i am exaggerating everything here, but I do feel down for not saying a good good-bye with them. Hence, it's more than a cup of Latte. 

Ok, I really would like to express my damn feeling here before I am busy and forget how I feel again. 

I am leaving for good. I am leaving to Australia for good, for a better education. I am leaving to a new place. I am leaving a place where I live for the past 19 years. I am leaving this place but I am leaving for good. - I tell myself. I am leaving for good. Indeed not everyone has this chance to leave your homeland to a new place to experience a new life, meeting new people and basically every single shit will be different. 

For the past 19 years, I never move out from my house, never live alone, never eat alone, never sleep alone, never play alone, never watch tv alone, never talk to the wall, never wash my clothes by myself and etc. All thanks to my mom (superwoman) and dad (superman) and all the existing machines. 

But after today, I left one more day to stay at home and be the princess. After the coming up Saturday, I have to do everything by myself. I have to settle everything by myself. I have to control my emotions. I have to think maturely. I have to make good choices in any choices. I have to have my own principles and not lost myself. It does sounds that I am alone. I am not. I have my family. I have my boyfriend. I have God. Hence, i am really not alone. 

There are quite a number asking me this question - "Are you excited?" 

Am I excited? I thought of it for a while. I am not really excited in fact. Maybe I am, I just don;t feel its strong. It's on and off. I am not THAT excited that you thought and so do myself because I have to leave a lot of things behind especially my family. My dad, is the one who I feel most-heavy-hearted to leave and also my mom. Next, my sister and brother. Then, Zhu Wei. So so so so much to worry and to care. 

So much of challenges coming ahead. I pray for a stronger mind and body to go through them. 

I promise I will be a better person when I am back. :)