friday thought

Hmm I've been quite sentimental, moody, down and a little bit of mixed feeling lately. Don't ask me why coz I really don't know why am I being like this. I hate myself being like this too. I am such a big loser in covering up my true feelings and just put on a smile on my face. I really suck in this lol. 

We are in the last semester of our course. We, refer to my beloved course mates (friends). After this semester, we all have to decide where to go for our next stop - to continue study or work and from there we all will be separated and scattered everywhere and anywhere. We all have different decisions. We all have different plans. We all have our own dream. We are all by ourselves, next year (most prolly). Goodbyes are never easy. Never. 

I never like goodbyes. Recently, I realized that all of us are getting closer to each other compared to last year and here we are, the very last semester...we left about 10 weeks together? Sigh. This is quite saddening when I thought about it. What saddens me the most is...by next year, my housemates will not be the same again. Living together for 2 years, under the same roof, sharing the same breakfast/lunch/dinner, chasing the bus on the street, going market being aunties and calculative etc. By next year, nothing will be the same again. We argue, we laugh, we cry, we share, we care...so much of memories together, so much. 

Well, this is life. Hellos and goodbyes...never end. 

明年的今天 明年的你会在哪里 明年的今天我会在哪里 明年的今天你我他会在哪里 明年的你我他会怎样 明年的今天的我们会是什么

啊。

25082014

If only things can be a little simpler than now. If only. It should be simple I guess. I shall keep it simple. Yes I should. 

习惯就好

今天想谈一个出国留学生都会遇到的话题， 那就是一伙人热闹后的空虚感。今晚终算让我找到了知音啊。没有出国留学过的朋友，恐怕无法理解这个热闹后得空虚感。这空虚感难过死了，难受死了。通常这个感觉只会在深夜的时候突然到来，尤其是在四面墙的房间里的时候，尤其是开完party然后各自回家各自回房的时候，空虚的特别快，空虚感特别强。所以，有时候party的时候会有点担心开完party后那个安静的晚上。即使是和朋友住在同一屋檐下，也会有这种感觉。很多人都认为，和朋友一起留学应该不会有安静的时候。。。我只能说，错了，大错特错。我曾经问过为什么要在房间里，她们都会回答我说privacy。哦，只需要一个字，一个字就把我变得无言。既然都说得那么白了，我还需要死缠烂打说我很空虚吗？根本说不出口。

反正习惯就好。

set me free

I have had some difficult time on myself, my feelings. Things like this happen once in a while in our lifetime. It's not just now, I am pretty sure this difficult time will still happen some other time later.


Hmm I always face difficulty to start a post that is about me and my feelings. It's always difficult to express ourselves. Sometimes, no words can describe my feelings and my thoughts, it's just indescribable but I am feeling like a piece of shit deep down inside, not sure that the feeling is bad or good feeling.


I am stuck.

to be continue?

me myself and i

have you ever hate yourself? i do. i always do. damn this sounds very pathetic isn't it? sometimes i hate myself for being like this, being so negative. being negative in so many aspects - life, friends, relationships and future. oh god i hate being negative but i can't really stop myself from being negative. 

let's talk about friends. a good friend's twenty-one birthday is coming and obviously it's going to be big (at least bigger than the birthdays she had twenty years ago lol). she's not just a good friend but a best friend, to me at least. what's bothering me? buying present. i am sort of comparing what she had bought for me in my twenty-one birthday. yes you might think i am so bitchy. yes i do feel that way too. i don't know why am i doing that, i don't know why is my mind doing that to me. i hate this. don't get me wrong i am not the 'kiam siap' person but i don't know why am i doing this stupid comparison. i just can't control myself. damn it. then i am thinking whether is it worth it to buy a more meaningful which is more pricey present for her. you might say meaningful does not have to be pricey yes i can't deny but what is on my mind is gonna be a little pricey but still affordable. 

i talked to another friend. somehow i tend to talk to this friend about all these weird thinkings i have. i hope she don't think i am weird or a bad friend lol. oh you see i am being negative again. 

ugh god please save me from this weird situation and stop me from thinking weird stuffs. i know the birthday girl treat me as a good friend and also a best friend too i am pretty sure she does and i know it in my heart but when anyone ask me about best friend i reluctantly will say yes she is my best friend coz i am afraid i am not her best friend but in fact i am. 

i don't think anyone will understand this post except me. 

bye

More to come

想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得带上面具。
想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得掩盖自己的喜怒哀乐。
想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得说话。
想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得没有人有义务对你好。
想要生存在这个社会里。。。

more to come.

妒忌是一把刀，最后不是插在别人身上 就是插进自己心里 － 取自 Tuzki

妒忌 真的会毁掉一个人。

是时候调整自己的心态了。

#throwback

Let's throwback to 17th May 2014, the day my friends surprised me (my 21st birthday). They surprised me earlier due to the crazy workload on the following week.

So, in the morning, I went shopping at Harbour Town with Kaiyen, Mabel and Sumin. I didn't suspect anything obviously lol. We literally shopped the whole day until 5pm, until the shops closed and we caught the late bus and reached home quite late.

Once we reached home, I said I wanna bath coz we are going out for dinner as the two girls will be leaving the next morning. So, I took my time to bath and dressed up a little but Ern and Lily kept asking to hurry up hurry up they are very hungry blablabla lol. So then I dried my hair and put on light make up as fast as possible and off we go for dinner.

At first, we planned to go Hog's Breathe but then Lily told me that we are going to Sojubar as she has booked a table so we can't change venue. At the time, I suspected something but then everyone told me not to be perasan la and everyone no time to entertain me coz a lot assignments, Okay lo...I stopped asking but deep down I know something is going on. And yes! I was right! Le course mates and some other friends were all there waiting for me lol. I was kinda surprise lah...but I kind of guess of it already haha! Then after dinner, everyone ciao.

They did not really ciao. They were all in my house lol. After dinner, after everyone left, after photo session, we left for home too. So I really thought everything is over and that was my birthday celebration until i reached home, before we open the door, I see no lights in the house from outside which is weird coz we usually left one light on (at least I do hah). I see no lights but I see orangie light from the gap between the blind...of coz I suspected something but I didn't expect everyone who joined the dinner were all at home lol! And yes, I was surprised and nervous and happy! Iris, Wilson and Eiwon joined us later and le couple even rush here from their anniversary dinner (many thanksssss). Then we sang birthday songs, we had the look for your presents session where they hid all my presents everywhere in the house and guess what, I think I took 45 minutes to found all my presents and spent like 15 minutes to find one last present in my room and to be specific on my bed...I took 15 minutes! Who will ever hid a present in the bed sheet omg! But I have to admit that I am a very careless person.

The people 'next door' left around 4am lol and the others left earlier after the presents opening session.

So yeah, that was my birthday surprise! :)

Thank you.

p/s Just wanna jot down and remind myself that I am blessed.