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 hello blog

so this month has been pretty good i guess 

i signed up for a 200h ytt course (finally) after talking about it for a year now 

well thats because of the pandemic 

and also i am super paranoid 

speaking of the pandemic situation 

australia seems to be fine now 

but not back home 

back home is bad 

very very very bad 

cant even tell when can i head home 

besides that lets talk about health 

i did my yearly ultrasound to follow up on my pcos condition 

turn out okay pretty much the same as last year's result so i guess i am fine 

but my brain is crazy i am always afraid of getting sick and the big C 

always 

i am trying to overcoming this trust me i am 

but the more i try the harder it gets 

its mentally torturing not only me but also zw (sigh) 

but at the same time im glad i have zw

well he didnt manage to calm me down in this case 

but at least he is more rational than me 

so whatever he said actually allowed me to re-think what i am thinking 

and have maybe 15 minutes of peace in mind haha 

he has 4 phrases (we compiled them today) 

1. dont think too much 

2. no lah 

3. where got 

4. (i cant remember anymore) 

all very useless commonly used phrases 

but sometimes he would say something like 

my family has no C history so dont think too much 

and think about it only when shit really happened 

because i am now groan without illness (translate from chinese)

which is quite ridiculous la 

why would i kill my healthy cells 

even my family dr back home told me if you think negative your body will turn negative

but it takes time 

thats why this year i wanna focus more on myself 

i am slowly picking up meditation 

i hope that helps 

anyway back to my YTT course 

i am quite excited to be honest!!!

 i guess i really like yoga thats why 

but in the same time nervous as well 

besides that 

i went for a flow class today 

i really love what the yoga teacher said this morning 

she mentioned that everything comes in a circle 

something will come to an end eventually and something new will start again 

but what really hits me is that she used to had a full time job but then it was unhealthy and stress etc (everything shit things you can think of about working in an office) 

so she picked up yoga and starts teaching and she loves it 

at that very very moment something in my mind is telling me that 

thats what i want too 

i want to leave the office life

i want to leave the toxic shit hole 

but not now not now

be patient 

good things come later 

so lets see

i am quite positive that things will change

i hope one day my office life will end 

and a new cycle will start with love peace harmony kindness and happiness 

and only all the good things

and the yoga calss ended with a chanting by the yoga tchr 

believe it or not 

i actually felt  like crying 

and i did teared 

something just made me feel like 

we only have one body why are we being so harsh to our body 

basically something like that 

i guess i was just feeling pretty shit recently 

there are a lot of reasons for me to feel that way 

anywayyyyyyy 

stay positive 

practice yoga 

be healthy 

i wish 

i am healthy 

at least i am now

i have a blood test to be done...

*fingers crossed*