22122014

冬至快乐 吗？

我好像没特别快乐 

今晚 坐在我身边和对面的 一起吃着同样口味的汤圆 听着同一首歌的她们 

明年的今晚 坐在我身边的对面的 一起吃着同样口味的汤圆的 听着同一首歌的她们 

还会在我对面 还会在我旁边吗 

不会 

明年的今晚 太遥远了 真的太遥远了 什么都说不上来 

所谓的承诺可以收起来 

UPDATES

1. 我可以毕业了。我终于可以毕业了。虽然成绩跟其他人比起来差了一点， 哈哈！但是我爸说毕业就好了，成绩不重要。还满安慰的。但是我还是希望我没有辜负他毕竟这两年在澳洲读书用了他妈的不少钱！反正我终于可以毕业了！这种感觉和往年的高中毕业更强烈更开心更有fuuuuuuu。
2. 我应该是胖了。我的妈呀。减肥吧。可能周围的人都太瘦了。 
3. 我大概有被取代了。所以，之前心情低落的不得了。简直是糟透了。怎么也提不起劲儿。现在心情调整了一下下有好一点了。感觉我，回来了。

说不出的苦

说真的，在这世界上最懂自己只有自己。我懂我自己，我懂我自己的全部，有时候一些小动作会引来很大的误会。但是事实上，那些小动作都不是真实的，不是我想表达的。只是为了掩饰真真的我。有些言行举止，文字说不清，口头上更说不清，因为它是我的本能反应。不是真实的。是另一个我，要掩饰自己的我，所表达的。如果说掩饰自己，我想说，我失败了，我彻底的败给了掩饰。我根本掩饰不了，我脸上的表情，我的言行举止，每个人都看在眼里，看透我。读者这篇的你，有读懂吗？不懂，没关系，因为我也不太懂。

只是此时此刻的我觉得，寂寞。即使身边有那么多人，我还是觉得寂寞。寂寞地可怜。爱情和友情之间我一直找不到一个平衡点。爱情重要但是友情对我来说固然重要。对，是我贪心。我很贪心。我要爱情，同时也不能没有友情。即使谈了三年的恋爱，我还是找不到一个平衡点（有点苦了我的男朋友）。即使有了男朋友，我不会让身边的朋友觉得一丝一毫的寂寞，我会尽我能力keep them entertained。但是，不是每个人都和我一样。应该说，没有人会和我一样。因为目前为止我还没有遇见一个和我一样的人。通常，他们有了爱情，爱情会在第一，友情第二。这没有错，本来就应该这样。到最后陪着我们的人，不是友情，是爱情。我想，这是我必须学习的。没有任何一个人，我说的人是指朋友，会一直一直陪在你身边，因为到头来我们只是朋友，除了朋友或知己也好，到最后我们什么也称不上，就只是朋友。随着年龄的增长，每个人追求的事物都不一样，很自然的大家都会各分东西，也很自然的大家再也不会像在学生时期的时候每天见面，也很有可能我们会变成最熟悉的陌生人。这是生活上该领悟的。我们要在这一切还没发生之前，先领悟，先明白，在心里打个底。若它真的来了，我们也准备好了，也懂得如何应付心里那一块的寂寞。


我自己是我最大的敌人。所以，我会努力学习和释怀这一切。

As we grow older

It's okay to choose friends. Now I know. 

It's really okay to do so. I see what I see, I feel what I feel, I believe what I see and feel. I follow my heart and mind. 

It's okay to choose who to be my friend. I have to protect and love myself. 

As I grow older, I realize something, friends are important but there are something more important then friends. For an example, family and lover and career are more important compared to friends. As I grow older, I see more realistic friend, which I'm quite shock to see lol, but this is the real world. Human beings are realistic. 

Hence, hello, world. I am not ready though. 

话语

请记得：你的千言万语很可能会败给别人的一句话。 

多么痛的领悟

Falalala

It's just another pointless post I guess. 

I just have this feeling coming back to me again where I feel like my best friend don't actually care that much to me, that I don't get equal care that I gave her lol. So childish but this really can make me quite sad lah. But the world is not fair, nothing is fair. Hence, forget about equality, there is not equality in fact. Sigh. I just hate this feeling. Sometimes I wish I don't care so much and just care for myself. 

Ahhh. I gonna jot down something else next time. No more my feelings. 

Kthxbai

15112014

15112014 

Indeed a memorable day. 

Its the day I submitted my very very last paper for degree! 

Holy moly time flies. I thought I just came to Adelaide few months ago? Lol.

Okay so I am done with examinations and next is to plan about my futureeeeeee but now, my current status is: temporary jobless, which also known as 暂时的无业游民 in Chinese. I really hope it's gonna be temporary...

Wish me luck. 

Goodbye, Wayville! 

Hello, November

时间也过得太快了吧 竟然已经十一月了 再过两个星期就是大考 然后就要向大学生涯告别了

昨天 终于交上大学最后一个报告 完成最后一个presentation 我朋友还说最后一份报告了得好好做才行 最后一份报告可不是开玩笑啊 我们好几个做到凌晨五点才完成 我想这也可能是我们最后一次一起熬夜把功课给完成的机会了 熬夜很辛苦很累 但是有两个朋友聚在一起熬夜 感觉还不错 至少不会觉得孤军作战 大家把presentation给完成后 我们就和老师来了一个大合照和selfie 当天和我们一起合照的老师 刚好是大家最喜欢的老师 她总是把乏味lecture变得很生动 上她的课都不会一直打瞌睡 她的名字叫Shantell 我朋友叫她“闪到腰” 唉 感慨啊 太多太多想说了但是不知道该从哪里开始 只希望在未来的日子我们还可以像现在一样。。。

缘分

缘分这东西 真的很伤很伤人 多少人败给缘分 多少人为了缘分堕落 多少人为了它失去理智失去笑容 唉 眼看眼前一个满要好满brother的朋友就要心碎满地了但是还是说可能还有一点希望 但是事实上 事实就是他就快被拒绝 他已经被拒绝 他已经失败了 不过他努力过 我看得见他的努力 但是 努力有怎样 在多的努力 也不会把那个她给感动 是时候放手了 长痛不如短痛 话说回来 眼看他快要失败了但事实上已经失败了 他还说 他不想放弃 身为他的朋友 我能说什么 我说了长痛不如短痛 我也只能说那么多 接下来就得看他了

Sometimes I really get sick of people. People that I care. 

Oh wells. I cared too much. Again. 

我

我发现有些时候 我身边的人 都不说真话 明明事情就是那样 他们都说不是那样的是怎样怎样的 我愣了一下 是这样的吗 难道说真话也错了 但是后来我想了想 他们不说真话的原因很可能是要保护自己掩护自己来保护一段感情 总之 不说真话就是要掩护自己 我不懂 但是我又懂了 这是其中一个条件让自己可以在这社会‘混’久一点也让人缘也好一点 话说回来 我还是我 我无法掩饰我自己 我依然有话直说 我依然有时候把事情用我过于表情丰富的方式来表达所以朋友都叫我‘演戏派’ 可我所说的都是他妈的真相只是用了我自己的一套来表达 懂我的朋友就会明白不懂得我的人就会鄙视我吧 唉 看来若我要在这地头‘混’久一点 我必须掩饰一点虚伪一点还是保持我还我

of volunteer

This is going to be a quite long post, with all my OWN opinion. So, don't take it personally or offended.

What's volunteer to you?

To me, volunteer is to help someone with heart, to help someone without any return. Basically, it's to help someone with heart.

Okay, on Monday, I volunteered in a charity dinner organized by a Buddhist association as waitress and performer. So, there were leftovers and some extra food in the end of dinner. Then, the kitchen helpers told us that we can actually take some food back, if we don't mind. In fact, there were a lot of leftovers, fried rice, vegan fish and soup. There are leftovers and there were extra. There was one old lady even hand out some food to us, volunteers that she purposely made for us and she told us to eat in the kitchen area to avoid any bad mouth behind I guess. Most of the volunteers were happy about the taking food back home since most of us were students. Taking food back home means we don't have to coooooook! :)

Okay, so this is the story.

The next day, my friends and I were sort of sharing the experience to other classmates. To be honest, the volunteers I met in the charity dinner were all happy people, we had a lot of fun. I am serious. Most of them don't mind taking extra food or even leftovers. They were happy, I can see it.

Alright...so we were sharing then one of the volunteer who was one of the volunteer said that she actually don't like to take leftovers. Okay...that's still ok, not too harsh and I respect her own opinion. Not everyone is the same. Then, she continued...

"I think they (as in the organizers) should not treat us like that by giving us leftovers since we have already volunteer to help them..."

She did continue saying something but I did not pay any attention to what she said coz I can feel my blood is already boiling.

First, I think she don't know the meaning of 'volunteer'. Second, for God's sake, it is a freaking charity dinner, and the organizers need volunteers and she is expecting a good return? Just dumb. If the organizers can afford to get professional waiters, they need not any volunteers lah! Still expecting good return? What kind of good return? ABALONE MEHHHH.

Later, I brought up this to my friends and said that I am not happy about what she said and so on la. Then, one friend asked me..."Did you heard what she said in the end?" Nope, I didn't.

Guess what she said. She said that by giving us leftovers is kind of treating us like dogs.

Good job girl! Dogs.

This even boils my bloood! What the hell is she even talking seriously!! It's a freaking charity dinner and it is a freaking volunteering job!

Oh my god! I am speechless. I was so angry. I was really angry. I would lecture her in front of everyone if I have the courage! How can she said that when people are offering good things to us? It's not like the foods are spoilt or what, the food were all edible!

Holy shit. I can still feel anger when I am typing this. 

After what my friend told me about what she said in the end, I finally know why she was staring at us one kind and smiling one kind at a corner when we were taking some food back home.

Now I know.

Enough said, I am not here to judge her. I am just trying to say that everyone is different.

But I really hope she learn to appreciate. Really.

But, in the end, it's still up to her, it's her opinion, it's not mine.

My first performance on stage

6/10/2014 

Indeed a night to remember! We finally did it - the high school musical performance! From learning step by step to rehearsal to the final performance, we all did a great job! We all had fun! We are like a big family! I hope to see you guys soon - tizzy, tzyy ning, wai mun, silace, dansen, maggie, xinting, crystal and desmond! 

爱情观

我最近发现我身边有另一半的男性朋友 都很开放 他们好像身在一个开放式的恋爱 我不知道我用的字语对不对 我所说的开放式恋爱就是 即使有了女朋友 他们还是可以 他们还是依然 跟其他女生朋友聊个没完没了 天南地北都聊 不是说我老土但是我真的觉得这个很不对 男女之间可以是朋友 可以很要好 但是有伴侣的应该要和异性朋友保持一段应该要有的距离 我们永远无法知道未来会发生的事 万一有一天对那所谓的“异性好朋友”产生了爱慕 那该怎么办 还有人言可畏啊 有伴侣的如果还是一如往常跟异性朋友走得很近 流言蜚语肯定走不掉 不但伤感情而且人格还会被质疑到底是不是一个好情人 

纯粹个人意见也顺便提醒自己 

30102014

Just came back from a kids camp I volunteered to help. This is the second kids camp I participate and I found that kids are cute but naugthy in the same time, they are monsters. Lol. 

Emily & Li Bin - May their friendship last for a long time. :) 

地方

一个地方好不好玩 不单单看地方提供的乐趣 身边的人也扮演着重要的角色 如果身边的朋友都很热情都很有爱 这样整个环境也会变得特别美好 在旅游上也一样 我这一次的悉尼旅程特别开心 

现在回家了 感觉也好好 回到了我熟悉的地方 回到了我自己的空间 回到了我的洗手间我的床 好舒服 

Venue: Strathfield 

11092014

有时候心里的话说出来很难听，找不到对的人发牢骚很难受，但是若找到了一个愿意听的人整个人会马上变的舒服许多，至少觉得自己还是有人在乎的。

有没有试过，想法一下变的很偏激，偏激的厉害，偏激的可怕，发现了，要把自己拉回一个比较不偏激的方向。。。有试过吗？这个很难受。明明觉得事情没有那么坏，但是还是会情不自禁，不由自主的往坏的地方想啊想，无法自拔。。。但是最后还是得让自己往好的方面想。这就是和自己打架的最佳例子。我花了两个星期跟自己打架，终于成功把自己带回来，把灵魂带回来了。 同时也懂得有些事情，看不过眼的事，说出来了，表达了，对方不领情，不接受，一切也就算了。反正不是我的事儿。 

烟花很绚丽，可是很短暂。

Stay tune for Royal Adelaide Show 

friday thought

Hmm I've been quite sentimental, moody, down and a little bit of mixed feeling lately. Don't ask me why coz I really don't know why am I being like this. I hate myself being like this too. I am such a big loser in covering up my true feelings and just put on a smile on my face. I really suck in this lol. 

We are in the last semester of our course. We, refer to my beloved course mates (friends). After this semester, we all have to decide where to go for our next stop - to continue study or work and from there we all will be separated and scattered everywhere and anywhere. We all have different decisions. We all have different plans. We all have our own dream. We are all by ourselves, next year (most prolly). Goodbyes are never easy. Never. 

I never like goodbyes. Recently, I realized that all of us are getting closer to each other compared to last year and here we are, the very last semester...we left about 10 weeks together? Sigh. This is quite saddening when I thought about it. What saddens me the most is...by next year, my housemates will not be the same again. Living together for 2 years, under the same roof, sharing the same breakfast/lunch/dinner, chasing the bus on the street, going market being aunties and calculative etc. By next year, nothing will be the same again. We argue, we laugh, we cry, we share, we care...so much of memories together, so much. 

Well, this is life. Hellos and goodbyes...never end. 

明年的今天 明年的你会在哪里 明年的今天我会在哪里 明年的今天你我他会在哪里 明年的你我他会怎样 明年的今天的我们会是什么

啊。

25082014

If only things can be a little simpler than now. If only. It should be simple I guess. I shall keep it simple. Yes I should. 

习惯就好

今天想谈一个出国留学生都会遇到的话题， 那就是一伙人热闹后的空虚感。今晚终算让我找到了知音啊。没有出国留学过的朋友，恐怕无法理解这个热闹后得空虚感。这空虚感难过死了，难受死了。通常这个感觉只会在深夜的时候突然到来，尤其是在四面墙的房间里的时候，尤其是开完party然后各自回家各自回房的时候，空虚的特别快，空虚感特别强。所以，有时候party的时候会有点担心开完party后那个安静的晚上。即使是和朋友住在同一屋檐下，也会有这种感觉。很多人都认为，和朋友一起留学应该不会有安静的时候。。。我只能说，错了，大错特错。我曾经问过为什么要在房间里，她们都会回答我说privacy。哦，只需要一个字，一个字就把我变得无言。既然都说得那么白了，我还需要死缠烂打说我很空虚吗？根本说不出口。

反正习惯就好。

set me free

I have had some difficult time on myself, my feelings. Things like this happen once in a while in our lifetime. It's not just now, I am pretty sure this difficult time will still happen some other time later.


Hmm I always face difficulty to start a post that is about me and my feelings. It's always difficult to express ourselves. Sometimes, no words can describe my feelings and my thoughts, it's just indescribable but I am feeling like a piece of shit deep down inside, not sure that the feeling is bad or good feeling.


I am stuck.

to be continue?

me myself and i

have you ever hate yourself? i do. i always do. damn this sounds very pathetic isn't it? sometimes i hate myself for being like this, being so negative. being negative in so many aspects - life, friends, relationships and future. oh god i hate being negative but i can't really stop myself from being negative. 

let's talk about friends. a good friend's twenty-one birthday is coming and obviously it's going to be big (at least bigger than the birthdays she had twenty years ago lol). she's not just a good friend but a best friend, to me at least. what's bothering me? buying present. i am sort of comparing what she had bought for me in my twenty-one birthday. yes you might think i am so bitchy. yes i do feel that way too. i don't know why am i doing that, i don't know why is my mind doing that to me. i hate this. don't get me wrong i am not the 'kiam siap' person but i don't know why am i doing this stupid comparison. i just can't control myself. damn it. then i am thinking whether is it worth it to buy a more meaningful which is more pricey present for her. you might say meaningful does not have to be pricey yes i can't deny but what is on my mind is gonna be a little pricey but still affordable. 

i talked to another friend. somehow i tend to talk to this friend about all these weird thinkings i have. i hope she don't think i am weird or a bad friend lol. oh you see i am being negative again. 

ugh god please save me from this weird situation and stop me from thinking weird stuffs. i know the birthday girl treat me as a good friend and also a best friend too i am pretty sure she does and i know it in my heart but when anyone ask me about best friend i reluctantly will say yes she is my best friend coz i am afraid i am not her best friend but in fact i am. 

i don't think anyone will understand this post except me. 

bye

More to come

想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得带上面具。
想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得掩盖自己的喜怒哀乐。
想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得说话。
想要生存在这个社会里，就要懂得没有人有义务对你好。
想要生存在这个社会里。。。

more to come.

妒忌是一把刀，最后不是插在别人身上 就是插进自己心里 － 取自 Tuzki

妒忌 真的会毁掉一个人。

是时候调整自己的心态了。

#throwback

Let's throwback to 17th May 2014, the day my friends surprised me (my 21st birthday). They surprised me earlier due to the crazy workload on the following week.

So, in the morning, I went shopping at Harbour Town with Kaiyen, Mabel and Sumin. I didn't suspect anything obviously lol. We literally shopped the whole day until 5pm, until the shops closed and we caught the late bus and reached home quite late.

Once we reached home, I said I wanna bath coz we are going out for dinner as the two girls will be leaving the next morning. So, I took my time to bath and dressed up a little but Ern and Lily kept asking to hurry up hurry up they are very hungry blablabla lol. So then I dried my hair and put on light make up as fast as possible and off we go for dinner.

At first, we planned to go Hog's Breathe but then Lily told me that we are going to Sojubar as she has booked a table so we can't change venue. At the time, I suspected something but then everyone told me not to be perasan la and everyone no time to entertain me coz a lot assignments, Okay lo...I stopped asking but deep down I know something is going on. And yes! I was right! Le course mates and some other friends were all there waiting for me lol. I was kinda surprise lah...but I kind of guess of it already haha! Then after dinner, everyone ciao.

They did not really ciao. They were all in my house lol. After dinner, after everyone left, after photo session, we left for home too. So I really thought everything is over and that was my birthday celebration until i reached home, before we open the door, I see no lights in the house from outside which is weird coz we usually left one light on (at least I do hah). I see no lights but I see orangie light from the gap between the blind...of coz I suspected something but I didn't expect everyone who joined the dinner were all at home lol! And yes, I was surprised and nervous and happy! Iris, Wilson and Eiwon joined us later and le couple even rush here from their anniversary dinner (many thanksssss). Then we sang birthday songs, we had the look for your presents session where they hid all my presents everywhere in the house and guess what, I think I took 45 minutes to found all my presents and spent like 15 minutes to find one last present in my room and to be specific on my bed...I took 15 minutes! Who will ever hid a present in the bed sheet omg! But I have to admit that I am a very careless person.

The people 'next door' left around 4am lol and the others left earlier after the presents opening session.

So yeah, that was my birthday surprise! :)

Thank you.

p/s Just wanna jot down and remind myself that I am blessed.

勇

如果說我和一個好朋友喜歡上同一個男生 我會選擇離開 我會退出 我會當作沒一回事 

不說好朋友 只要我認識的 只要交情不錯我都會退出 

無論如何我會提醒自己要退出那場可能會爆發的爭議

所以 我並不是很勇 

Final Year

The last semester of my course is commencing next Monday. Time flies. I am gonna be a fresh man in society by next year if I manage to pass every subject lol. Let's hope for the best!

I am back from my 4 days 3 nights road trip to Robe and Yorke Peninsula. 

The first night we spent in Robe then get back to city for a night and continue our journey to Yorke Peninsula for a night. Robe is at the south and Yorke is at the north of South Australia, so basically we made a small round around South Australia, which is good coz this is my final year here. Who knows what and how is it gonna be next year, whether I am able to stay here or not? The future is too far to see. So yeah, this road trip to Robe and Yorke has been great! A huge huge thanks to Chock, Won's brother, our brother as well as driver. 

I personally think that these two places are worth to pay a visit even thought the journey took up about 5 hours for each place coz the sceneries are breathtaking, especially Yorke Peninsula. I even opened up an album in Facebook and jot down the places I went, as a memory. So, facebook better not bankrupt lol. Too many memories in fb. 

Anyway, long story short, we had a great time! Great time spent with Iris, Wilson, Won and my three girls as well as Chock! Great winter break and also my busiest winter break, very very occupied. 

In fact, I didn't really spare time for myself but that's okay I think. I will have plenty time for myself when I get old lol. 

Also, I am glad that Kim came to ADL too but too bad I only manage to spend a day with her in the city. That's good enough, better than nothing but of course I wish that I am able to spend more time with her. Hmm next trip maybe. :) 

Seeking for a reason to hold on.

We seek for reasons to get along,
we seek no reason to forget about getting along, 
we are so fragile, 
trust is so fragile. 

The heart and mouth are not following the mind, 
they are fragile. 

We are fragile,
but trying to put things back together again. 

respect

This might be a bit rude but I don't care.

So I was talking to a boy one day. I don't know how and where he started talking about boy girl relationship thing so he went on and on I just listened and replied a little coz I think everything he said is just a piece of big fat smelly shits.

So what he said?

"You know what if you stay in townhouse nobody will monitor you, who you bring back home or bring to your room, a boy or a girl. You have full freedom, no one cares."

"You see your living in an apartment with your friends, they are monitoring you. You got no freedom."

Hmm okay. I wasn't sure how should I reply him so I just smile a bit and say no...it's not like that. In fact, I don't need such freedom. Thankyou.

That conversation was still okay but I don't like the way he talked la obviously. I don't think there is a need to show off that you have full freedom and I don't. Well, in fact, I have freedom too but  I didn't bother to explain more to him coz I know it will be such a big waste talking to someone like that.

Then, a friend of him came over. To be honest, that fella doesn't look good, not even close to handsome, I think he is yongsui (ugly). Ok lah both of them also yongsui. Then, they started talking about what happened last night in a club, I think.

"Whao you had fun right last night! Kissing a girl in the club like damn hot. Why didn't you bring her back and bang her?"

His friend just smiled at him. Looks kinda proud.

Okayyyyy I think that is too much.

Then this fella repeated that to me again. I don't think I have to reply to such stupid thing so I just give him a fake smile and hoping to go off as soon as possible. Then, as soon as possible, before he go further on his freedom theory and banging a girl theory, I left.

I feel damn disgusted talking to such person. Ok, maybe I am a bit conservative you might think. Ok, let me be; but I don't think I am conservative. What I thought about when he said was super duper childish and he is currently in a very professional course. Such a shame, such a joke! What you said doesn't put you under the professional category, to be honest. It's not like I am conservative, it's the way you talked...so damn shallow please.

I just wanna say, I really hope that before he learn anything else, please learn how to think before he starts talking.

sometimes I get really really angry on something done by someone i am so close with that i cannot just yell at them i can only keep quiet and ignore because ignorance is bliss but holy shit i just cannot control my eq sometimes most of times i dont give a fuck i just show them i dont like the way you do things whatever man i really dont give a flying fuck

oh flying fuck something i learnt today lol not a good thing though but i dont give a damn

kthxbai

Of love

Hmm.

The bond between zhuwei and I seems to be stronger compared to last year lol. I am very glad that we made it through the one year of long distant relationship (Malaysia - Australia). All the arguments, all the miscommunications, all the tears and shoutings...are all worth it lol. Now we are still in a long distant relationship but nearer lol, at least the same country.

I think zhuwei really know me but not really the other way round hah. I am the more careless one at times or most of the time? haha he will know.

Ok I am no good in writing mushy stuffs but he will know what I wanna say, I hope. Let's hope for the best for both of us.

xo.

hello

It's funny how I used to update my blog more during busy time like exam period but not updating more frequent when I am having a long break lol.

I've been quite busy since the first day of winter break. Zhu Wei came to Adelaide once I finish my finals, for nine days. I only realize nine days here with me is too short after he left lol but oh wells, better than nothing.

In fact, I've got quite a lot of visitors this month. First, le boyfriend, then Olivia, then mummy, then Kim! Looking forward to meet all of them! Hopefully all the meet ups will be good and fun.

This winter break is really gonna be fun! Keep me busy and more road trips please!

I was at the position

I came across this tweet from a  teenager:

"you force me to do something I don't want and you expect me to respect you? You didn't even respect me by forcing me."

Hmm the first thing came to my mind the 'you' in that tweet she mentioned, most prolly is her mom or dad lol. Twitter seems to me a place for teens to complain about their parents/family/friends at times lol. They are still young but whatever, I just look down on them but I was at the position but I don't complain online, I write it in my diary. Very old school and I think it's better than the teenagers now post every shit online, let everybody read, let everybody knows your parents are 'torturing' them inside out, making them crazy blablabla.

Anyway, if I am brave enough, I would reply the girl by: "and you expect me to respect you by writing this?" if she is really talking about her parents lah.

They still don't realize the things, everything their parents are doing for them or what they have done for them. They never realize but I hope every of the teenagers that complain so much, sometimes too much will understand and acknowledge and appreciate everything their parents had done coz I took some time to realize about that too and I am quite regret for what I have not appreciate what they had done to me earlier, I wish I could turn back time and be a better daughter to my parents.

kthxbai.

其实我们真的没有很熟

听首歌

每当有着一股很想听歌的冲动 但又不懂要听什么人的歌或哪一首歌 选蔡健雅的歌准没错 她的声音总是那么舒服 那么独特 听了一首接着一首 

最后一份考卷了！加油吧。

余家辉

声音还没变 所以可以撑到最高音 未来还是个未知数

但是 还是想share

第一句 就让我起鸡皮疙瘩

说真的 

说真的 很好听 

又一个大马之光

Being a mother is not easy

This happend last weekend when I went shopping with friends. 

I was in a shoe shop, looking around then I heard someone sort of shouting or I should say talking very loudly...

I turned around, it was a girl talking to her mother. 
"SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP" 

The girl said to her mother. Of course, her mother was quite angry I can see. The mother was about to leave the shop, angrily but then she looked at the daughter...and turned back into the shop. They were arguing. I think the girl wanted a pair of heels that don't really suit her but the girl refused to listen to her mother's advice, so she yelled and told her mom to shut up. I was kinda shock when she talked to her mother in that very rude way. I was quite angry too. Hmph.

Then, a friend of mine was on the tram, she heard a girl talking over the phone talking very loudly too, to her mother too. 
She said "Mum, can I step on you? Motherf*cker! I am already 15....blablaablabla" 
Enough said. I need not to elaborate. 

Give me the truth

Give me one truth of this: Is academic result really really important? 

I will probably get the answer - No. Like what my dad always tell me, it's ok if you dont get A, as long you pass. That's the world's biggest comfort to me lol. I am no smart smart ass, I never was lol. My parents never give me a tiny bit of pressure in academic results, as long I pass, they are happy. Hmm I am the one who give pressure to myself during exam period. Yehh..probably because of my friends around me are smart and hardworking and score damn high marks in exams lah. That's why I will have the urge to 'catch up' with them so I won't be left out lol. Very Asian hor. Asians are like that I suppose, cannot be left behind people one haha. Am I right? I don't know why I've got this feeling that I must ' catch up' with my friends who gets good grades, perhaps I don't want them to look down on me. Well, they don't look down on me when I tell them my lousy grades, the close ones won't...but who knows right? Hypocrite everywhere lol. I think too much I guess. Ahh, here comes the application of this quote - Your biggest enemy is yourself. True enough. My dad asked me when I failed my Biochemistry last year (still, DAMN IT!), when I complained that why the others who don't go to class can pass, then my dad goes... "aiyooo why compete with others? why put yourself in such pressure? ah girl, why? " Yeah, why? It's just something inside me because I am pure Asian I guess. I wish to take this off, bloody annoying please. Why must I compete with others? Why why why? 

Anyway, there's still advantage if we compete with others - we will improve somehow lol. we will force ourselves to improve, like die die also must improve and not let them look down or at least we are in the same level lol.

But one thing I cannot take is that those smart ass act like they don't know anything. Walao, please lah please. Cut it off thanks. 

A wall of words. Ciaoz. 

Hmm, I think the truth for my question is still yet to be answered. It really depends on ourselves I guess. Bye.

HAH.

At times, I have a very strong urge to delete all my previous posts but I love reading my own posts lol so it's like after reading some of the posts earlier I don't feel like deleting the posts haha simply because they are too good each post filled with memories that I do not want to forget and I want to keep forever perhaps.

KELLY

KELLY,

this is such a sensitive name to me.

Yet I am sharing this, 

it is good. 

The first time I listen to this song, I somehow feel a little bit sad inside. 

Might be the rhythm. 

Rant

Two more days to my first paper for finals. I am quite stress out now. I study everyday...the thing I Do once I wake up is to study. I really feel like vomiting. Bahh I have got friend said "why so stress two papers only" Yep, only two papers to sit but I am really feeling the tension. The reason I am stressing out maybe that I put a little bit more expectation on myself, a higher aim for myself, that's why.

Ahh how I wish I am smart. How I wish...

星期一

有時候一聲交代都顯得太奢侈 

媽媽媽啊媽媽 我的媽呀 我不可以轉牛角尖

烦

最近有点烦。目前我在打两份工。但是比起朋友我赚的比较少而且比较累。我想辞掉薪水较低的那一份工作但是我不晓得我在犹豫什么。

但是打完了上半段，爸爸就回信息说，专注在一份工上，也好。所以我决定了，我要辞掉一分工作。

我想，我不是犹豫，只是想等一个能够support我意识里已经有的决定。 

开心的一天。 

晚安。

Hello

Hello. I drank a cup of milk plus a bit of Lindt choc flakes and I am too full now. ._.

So, I have been really really busy last week. Just insanely busy, I even stayed up one whole night to finish a report...hmm I managed to sleep for 10 minutes on the chair though lol. Everyday I have to submit something and in between I have a presentation, which went well. Anyway, I survived! Left one more report to go and I am free from assignments...which means, it's time to prepare for finals! 

Winter break is around the corner. I don't think I am going anywhere this break, which is weird! Coz I travelled to Sydney and Melbourne last year with Li and Yen...I haven't travel with Ern!! So, I will stay in Adelaide for the winter break and waiting for people to come and visit me! Mr Yap is finally coming! Kim is coming too! My mom might be too! Li's family will be here toooo! So yeah...gonna accompany them around Adelaide, going Hahndorf more than 2 times in one month lol. I am going to spend some quality time with Mr Yap, since he really put effort to come to Adelaide haha! Also, with Angela since she is going back to Malaysia and come back only during her convocation. :) 

Hmm. I am feeling okay recently. Much better after all the hectic assignments. So much better in fact. 

So much to learn...first, to control my EQ. I always failed to do so and then after a while when I realized I was acting like a bitch and then I regret for acting that way. Always. 

But I am me again, after the assignments and pressure lol. 

Goodnight & sweet dream. 

I have learn a lot recently. 

First, nobody will give a damn on what you have done to them. Nobody. Funny? This is the fact, accept it, swallow it and digest it and always remind yourself. To be happy? Give more and expect less. 

Second, nobody has to be there for you when you have difficulty. Figure it out yourself. The things that people can give you to help you are very very limited so in the end we only have ourselves to rely on. People help the people, birdy says. People do help the people but with very limited source. Enough said. 

Stay strong and ciaoz.

I'm lucky

Something I wanna jot down about my twenty-one birthday. Twenty-one birthday seems to be a real thing lol. It means freedom. It means I'm an adult. I guess.

This year's birthday, my friends in Adelaide had a surprise at my place. All thanks to the organizer, Lily. Apparently lily is the one I always 'beh song' but she is the one who plan this surprise. Life's funny, isn't it? Anyway, thank you very much to Lily, Kai Yen and Siew Ern. They always put more effort on occasions like this. Also, other than them, the surprise won't succeed without my other classmates like Iris, Wilson and Eiwon. They were the one who helped out to bake the birthday cake and giving ideas, especially Iris lol. She seems to be an idea provider. Ok, I am not being bias or what, I won't in fact! Everyone contributed in the surprise. To avoid any misunderstanding, I wanna thank Cher, Jiaxin, Melvin, Mindy, Karman, Ah Fui, Lien and that's all! I hope I didn't missed out anyone! 

Last year's surprise was quite fail but this year's surprise is a success I shall say lol. I didn't expect them to come over to my place and give me a surprise and also throwing a small party because my birthday falls on the mid week of semester...mid week semester is just hectic, it's a week of submissions of assignments sort of week. So I really appreciate what they had done. Truly appreciate. 

This year's birthday in Adelaide is also memorable because my good girlfriends were here, Sumin and Mabel. They came to visit us and travel around Adelaide...so I'm just lucky! I am glad that we celebrated my 21st together. 

Not to forget, I got a lot presents. I love presents. Who doesn't?!?! I even got a present all the way from Sydney! Hehe. That was a little surprise for me tooooooo. <3 also a birthday card from Sydney and Malaysia lolol.

Lastly, THANK YOU AGAIN. 

每個人都不一樣

我們雖然身處在同一個環境面對同樣的難題與困擾 但是我們都選了不一樣的道路 你選了以自我中心為主 你選擇了我幫你是理所當然因為我沒有出聲 而我選擇了以大眾為主 你也不以為然 

請問我還能怎樣 我需要怎樣 

接下来的两个礼拜都会很忙很忙很忙 

Fate

this song always brings back memories of us;

but that was before. 

Memories fade.

My birthday day just end. I'm officially 21. 

Random 49262

I give up listening to lecture hence I am here. 

Let's do this...

Sometimes I feel like I try very hard to be friend to someone. Someone who is already my friend but I tend to put more effort to get us to get closer. I tend to do so. Somehow now, I feel I am doing too much coz somehow there's no positive result. And that feeling suck! 

That feeling suck yet I didn't stop putting more effort. I try again. 

I think I am getting sick of myself for being like this but I really would like to keep this relationship between us...maybe I could, deep down my heart. 

What say you? Have your counter such situation? 

At times, we try too hard to achieve something.


Somethings are not belong to us...

17052014 Saturday

A night to remember. I am beyond thankful. I am filled with love.

I wanna show my appreciation. Soon. Still thinking what should I do.

Update soon. Busy week ahead but I will survive!

Life

I guess I'm in the situation where I can only choose one category from a few: study, work and friends. 

Priorities? How easy is it to decide? It's never easy. Priorities doesn't seems to balance what I want. Hmm I guess we can never balance everything in life, something can stay but something have to go. 

当一个充满欢笑声的聚会结束过后那空虚感吗？那空虚感真的很难受。就好像整间屋子本来很热闹很多人突然间只剩下你一个人。本来很开心，一瞬间变得空虚。

人很矛盾，我很矛盾，我喜欢时不时来个小聚会，见见老朋友谈谈笑笑等，但是我不喜欢聚会结束后每个人在很短的时间内又离开了又回到自己岗位。

Do the right thing on the right time. 

of friends

the girls are here. i'm sure that we all had a lot of fun even though they have only been here for two days. we were talking about the future, every girl's talk includes that topic lol. so, we were talking about the future when we have kids, working and marriage life and other more factors. one thing that i am worry or we are worry about is that our friendship will not work till the end of the world. human are realistic. the future is realistic. the society is realistic. everyone needs something to live and survive, and that thing is money. i am pretty worry that in the future we might get into a fight because of money. hmm. i am a worry-whore? anyway i really hope that our friendship last till the end of world.

xo.

Sometimes I wonder why should I be so soft-hearted to those who I care and I think they care for me when they don't really care about me? Why can't I be selfish? Why can't I be as selfish as they are? Why should I be good? Why should I give something to them? Why should I share something good with them? 

Why?

Sometimes I wonder. 

Sometimes I hope all the good deeds I've done will be me some good luck. 

Hello, May

I just teared off my little pinky's skin coz I was squeezing my clothes in a fast motion (aggressively).

May, the month I was born. May, my favorite month ever since I can start to think lol. May, number 5 has always been my favourite number too.

This year's May will be a super hectic month. I don't even know when and where should I celebrate my birthday. My 21st birthday. I got my pressie from my family before I fly back to Adelaide. My mom bought me a necklace with a key pendant. :)

Back to the topic. This year's May is going to be hectic hectic hectic! So much of work, so little time. Presentations, reports, tests and practicals. Omg. Wish me luck! 

I am not a big fan of my new subject, intensive subject - Biotechnology Wine and Food. 

I just got back from Melbourne anyway!

And I am looking for a part time job...

Men

I just added two men into my list. The list of signers that I must attend their concert or musical at least ONCE in my whole life.

DAVID FOSTER & MICHAEL BOLTON. They are superb good! 

kthxbai. 

my comfort zone

I haven't been socializing around or meeting new people for a very long time. I tend to stick to my friends all the time, never want to meet any new people, rejected some gatherings too lol. What was I even thinking?! After tonight, I guess I will want to join more gatherings lol. The fun of making new friends and the fun of playing/joking with new people is just...good. I am feeling so good. Ahh, I just came back from a house warming organized by Anthony and his girlfriend. I am feeling really good and I suppose the one I dragged along, Kai Yen feels good too! I can see that she is very happy and she did enjoyed everything! The satisfaction on food and people, just nice! Despite the people I met tonight will not be the ones I hang out anytime soon but it's fine, at least I met new people, talked to them, played with them and laughed with them. All these count.

Indeed a good night. I am so tired from playing card game and chit-chatting....

So, good night and sweet dream!

海

最近发现我好喜欢海。特别喜欢看着海，吹着强大的海风但是不喜欢脚碰到海水过后的感觉，感觉粘粘的也不太喜欢沙滩。我就纯粹喜欢海。一望无际的海。顿时就会觉得世界真的很大很大，比我想象中的还要大很多很多可以被探索而人类是多么的渺小，我是多么的渺小；许多事情是多么的渺小，渺小的没有必要把它放在心上。

两个星期的假期又要结束了。两个星期里好像没有完成到to do list里任何一件事情！！唉。

Random 2204

I can't seem to focus during holidays, which is very bad, especially when it comes to studying. Just bad. 

I am getting sick with my internship. Maybe the first reason why I am sick of it is because I don't get pay and second reason would be I really feel like I am being used like a free labour; but not really that bad. The boss is a nice guy, at times, he will send us a long message about what is he going to do for the week and at the end of the message he would prolly mention that we don't have to feel pressure about it and don't come if we don't like it; but is it possible to not go? lol. 






I just deleted what I typed lol.

Happy Easter

20/4: Just when I thought she has the coldest heart among us, she gave us a lovely surprise. 

Happy Easter indeed. :) 

长篇大论

这会是一篇长篇大论的一片吧我想 主题为朋友。。。与缘分？

我是一个很注重朋友的人。有时候，就连我自己也觉得我有时候会太过在乎他们，在乎的有点过分。对我来说做朋友，最先要有的一点是 - 不要隐瞒。这点对那些非常注重隐私的人应该会觉得我是鸡婆哈哈 我是吧？但是我只是不喜欢你我之间会有很多不知道 我只是觉得since你想和我交朋友 就应该对我有一定的信任 如果刚开始认识对我有所保留 我能理解 但是如果我们相处久了 我们之间还是有很多不知道 我真的会伤心 

我想 如果我真的遇上了这样的朋友 我只能说我们的缘分就足够我们做朋友罢了 因为始终我不可能勉强他说出他不想说的事情吧 但是如果说我必须面对那个人我会很懊恼 因为有时候从别人口中得知他不想分享的事后又得假装不知道 真的很烦人 这是说话难免会觉得有点束缚了

唉 我真的遇上了这样的朋友 难道互相分享真的那么难 但是我同时也发现我越是成长 遇见的人越多具有不同的性格 而我必须 我需要 看开一些 接受他们 这样生活才会轻松一些 对我好 对大家也好 

晚安 

Rant rant

I always remind myself to not put too much of effort to anyone of them coz in the end I'm all alone I'm just not that important to them not that important to them as I expected 

I always tell myself to not feel too much and obviously I fail 

Time to grow up time to face the reality time to face that shit happens all the time 

Goodnight 

新爱好

最近我给自己增添了一个爱好 － 阅读。

我大多都在读些网络上的散文。我花了不少时间在网络上寻找一些提供各式各样散文的网页，终于让我找到了一个合心意的。还真的满开心。希望我这个新爱好能够维持好一段日子哈哈哈！

唉。今天有些感触。 

每每看见其他朋友过得自由自在就会觉得好羡慕。然后就会突然想自己一个人走一段路但是又想有个人陪在身旁。我就是那么矛盾。

人

尽管说要去远方 

却想要回家 谁知道 

谁知道 沉默的背后有伤口 

谁知道 潇洒的背后是脆弱 

忍住 泪水 谁知道 

多希望 又能够 为我点盏灯火 温暖我心中的缺口 

算什么 我算什么

寂寞 是吗 每个人都一样 从什么时候 这世界变得越来越冷漠

在一次又一次的受伤 你学会了隐藏 我学会了沉默 

没有人是绝对的坚强 每个人的最深处都有一处软弱 缺口 

别说你不怕寂寞 

随便写写

两个星期的假期正式开始。希望我会好好利用这两个星期。假期的第一天就发烧了。唉。

街头表演

我真的好累但是我想我一定要完成这一篇

今天 我的澳门朋友问我 我会不会给街头艺人所谓的“表演费”还是我该说零钱或是给予鼓励的一种方法？我想了想 说到 我好像又给过一次 不记得太清楚 又好像没有给过。然后 我问回她一样的问题 她说 如果她觉得他们表演的好 她会给 我点点头 然后她又说了一句 那一句话我觉得满有道理而且好温馨 她说 如果我们看了觉得好又不给 他们就不会再出来表演了 那么整个街上就会变得很冷清了 

我顿时 真的被吓到了 我从来没有想到那一点呢 街上如果没有了他们--街头艺人的话 整条街真的会很冷清很冷清 一点生气也没有 

翻唱

好沧桑的嗓音。

好感伤的嗓音。 

好帅气的面孔。 

听了，好想流泪。 

听了，还想再听。 

听了，再听了，好听得出口差点喷出来。 

鞋子

突然来的冲动想写下来 没什么重要的事情但是只想写下来 

很多年了 我妈妈去哪儿都会穿上高跟鞋 不是五寸高的但是至少有两寸半三寸 连去旅行都会穿上高跟鞋 我说的旅行是国内旅行并非欧美洲之类的 我曾问过妈妈为什么不穿平底鞋 因为那时我最常穿的鞋类 妈妈说穿上平底鞋后她不会走路她觉得她随时会跌倒 很怪很怪是吧 我再问 那为什么不穿跟矮一些的鞋子啊 走路也比较没有那么累 她给的理由还是一样 我当时觉得太奇怪了 可见得我妈妈是个很爱漂亮的女人 出门前总会好好打扮一番 这个习惯也遗传了给我 只是有时候我真的太懒了 后来 近期来 动了一个小小的手术在腹部后 妈妈开始买平底鞋也开始穿上了矮跟的高跟鞋 因为她说穿上高跟鞋腹部的“开口”会有些疼痛 所以就穿上了平底鞋 我想她应该费了不少时间去习惯 若不是逼不得已我想她还不会去穿平底鞋 但是妈妈开始喜欢这类型的鞋了 还stock in了好几双 哈哈哈

妈妈说 女孩子都是爱美的 

我赞成 因为我发现我真的很爱美 哈哈

我和你的不同

我乐于追求一切简单，大多以安全为主，名利对我而言其实没很重要。

你乐于追求一道光照亮在你头顶上，成为万众焦点，那是你追求的快乐，名利对你而言看似很重要。

这是你和我之间的大不同。

但是，我希望你懂，多少人在追求那种快乐的时候总是伤害了身边最在乎他们的人。当他们发现的时候，都已经太迟了，然后心里一直带着对于那个人的遗憾。


我不想你会有那种遗憾。我希望你能放慢脚步，看看周围在乎你的人，三思而后行。

About me

I've been getting this a lot lately or I should say all these while, all these while where I can think and able to think. 

The fact is - I am fierce, inside out. 

I look fierce when I don't smile. I look very fierce when I look serious. I sound like I am fierce when I talk in a very straight forward way. I am fierce when I talk whatever that hit straight to the freaking point. I think I sound fierce now. 

Hmm I never want to accept this feedback about me. Come on, who wants to be fierce, who wants to have a fierce image? 

Ahhh. It took me sometime to accept this fact. This very fact that I am fierce. 

Tonight, I have to say, I am fierce and this is me. This is me. This is the real me. Whatever people say this is me and I have to accept it and I have to love me. 

還是這裡好 

今天好累。測驗就來了都還沒準備好。真的好鬱悶。雖然不是真是工作但是還是很累。 

工作真的只是為了生存。即使我對那份工作有多喜歡，每天重複不斷的做著同樣的事情，也會厭倦。 a

你不说 我问 我问了 你不说 我再问 你还是不说 渐渐的我不问了 你也不会说 最后大家都不说话了 

我很珍惜每一段友情 但是有时候我不得不放弃 因为实在是太累人了 说话都变的很束缚 

晚安 

Mood: Happy

I helped out Gelista, where I'm doing my placement now in a pregnancy, baby and children expo this weekend. 

I got this tub of Greek yoghurt for free on the last day when I took the chance to walk around the expo with Yen. So, yen said that she saw people eating yoghurt samples and she wanna try it and the yoghurt stall was just around the corner. 

We tried the yoghurt and the lady at the store offered us this whole tub of yoghurt. At first I was still asking about the price and where can I get it that sort of thing. Then she said "are you going back home now? I can give you a tub" I thought she was trying to tell us that we can get the yoghurt if we are going back home soon but I misheard what she said. Then she repeat again "ahh it's okay, we can give you any flavours you like...we have a lot of them" 

GIVE? Lol. I open my eyes widely and looking at her and turned to yen. Then we decided to be thick face and get one tub coz it's really good haha! 

Good day indeed. A free tub of Greek yoghurt! Yum! :) 

Can't wait to get my industry placement done 

17/3

Not doing so well recently.

I am full with negative thoughts.

I need something to gain back just a little positive thoughts that were in me.

Sometimes, we just lost ourselves. Don't we?

Shits happen.

Still hoping I will be fine. Everything will be fine.

Of backache

Today marks the third day of my industry placement in a nice cream making factory. Tuesday we had production so, Yen and I helped out the workers there of course. It's pretty fun I have to say, everything is new and fresh to us hence, we feel like we learn a lot. Well, we did learn a lot and try a lot of new stuffs. 

But I have backache now. Due to the long hours standing in the production area. Yesterday the pain was okay, today it's getting worse, it's quite bad I have to say. Ugh, I hate this. I am only 21. Still a very young age to complain about backache. 

I can't run but I kinda like running or I should say jogging. I always have a dream that I am able to run really fast. Oh wells, that's gonna be my dream forever. The pain at the back is really getting bad and I really have to get rid of the pain. 

The only sport I can do for now to strengthen my back is swimming. I love swimming too anyway. Just that the public pool is kinda far from my place now...but I've got no other choice for now. 

I can't do skipping rope too. I shouldn't carry heavy stuffs either. Gah. 

I have to swim, I must swim to get away from this backache. Not for the sake for running or hiking or jumping but at least get rid off this annoying pain at the back. 

Wish me luck. 

The little things in life

Recently two of my friends encounter some bad housemates who used their stuffs and eat their food without permission and they have only stay together for two weeks and the contract they signed was a year long. 

And then I realize and I wanna thank God that I have three very loveable housemates /friends/girlfriends and I hope that our friendship last for a long long time. 

We, I tend to forget to great flu about the little things in our life and I really like to jot down and remind myself that I am the lucky one and I should appreciate all the little things in life. 

Then I hope two of my friends can face the problem and be brave enough to stand out and talk to their housemates when it's the right time. 

Goodnight. 

9/3

 

MOK

星期五的晚上

今天好早就起床准备上学去。上了一整天的课，好捆，拖着疲惫的身体回家去。本来想小睡一会儿，但是又得准备晚餐，又想喝杯咖啡，又想到已经好几天都很难入睡，所以就打消那个念头了。

今年是大学的第三年了，也就是过了今年就要结束我的学生生涯，迈向现实的社会。我告诉自己今年一定要好好完成我的第三年，要勇敢，要用于尝试新事物，要较多一点朋友认识多点人，要找一份工作贴补自己的零用钱减轻父母的负担等等。当然还有把脾气收一点，独立一些，和学习好好和他在来一段远距离爱情，真心希望我们会好好的。

令我比较担心的其实不只是学业，不只是爸妈，还有我的爱情。经历过一年的远距离爱情，我想我真的不鼓励远距离爱情，那种感情需要的东西太多太多了。 当然，我们算成功保持了一年的远距离爱情，今年在来一遍当然我希望一切会好好过，但是未来是个未知数，突发的事青是在所难免必须很理智的处理每一件事，偏偏我总是冲动多余理智，对方也一样。那看来我们的爱情其实满危险吧。但是，我们时不时会告诉对方要有耐心，要心怀希望，要坚持当然要有爱。看是简单。让我告诉你，朋友，一点也不简单，真的不简单。我不记的从什么时候开始，我默默的想和这个他一直在一起，要一直在一起。但是，往往梦想都得经过种种难关才可以到达。唉，只能说，远距离爱情太脆弱，要面对的问题是在太多了。那三个月暑假回家，和他相处的三个月或少一点，是我和他在一起那么久最快乐的三个月。

换个话题，说说爸爸妈妈。眼看我一直不断长大慢慢变得独立慢慢得学习处理自己的事情，相反的，眼前的爸妈渐渐的变老，身体慢慢衰退，这种现象让我的心开始不安，开始迫不及待要做到更多能够让他们过得好一点的生活。。。世上没有一步登天的事，只可以慢慢来，按部就班完成。现在，只想爸妈身体健健康康和平平安安。

啊，长大好可怕！

随便写写

有些人只配当我们人生里其中一个过客， 有些事只配当我们脑海里某个角落的回忆。

朋友里面有多少个纷纷离开，有多少个失去联络了，又有多少个还有联络？

越是成长，越是多的人慢慢失去联络。。。变成最熟悉的陌生人。即使曾经有过很美好的回忆都变成了回忆。

失眠了好多天。好辛苦啊。好讨厌。我多想一躺上床就可以大呼呼的睡着犯，发个美梦。

怎么了

我曾经不喜欢这样的自己，太喜欢太在意一个人的自己。我会害怕如果有一天我失去那个人的时候。我真的无法想象。我试过把自己对一个人的感觉收这一点，对我喜欢的人我会有所保留只为保护自己，但对他非常不公平。所以，也尝试敢敢表达对他的感觉。但是，表达了，习惯了，依赖了，就会害怕失去。

i tend to stay up until quite late and the reason would be...i am not so sure about it yet.

i miss home.

final year

and i'm back to adelaide, to the white apartment with no tv, to my own little space.

three months passed by just like that. time really flies.

just a few days ago, before i come back to adelaide, i only realize i have got so many things to do, things that i planned to do but i never start doing it, hence, the last few days was a havoc for me, everything was in rush, mummy start to nag. yeh, last minute again.

anyway, its 12am here and i just landed this morning, i am tired, i am going to bed soon. and anyway, it's my final year here. hopefully everything especially in studies will be good and smooth.

goodnight.

Not so secret

Let me tell you a secret. 

I almost get into an accident today because I was...looking where should I place my handphone and I thought I was holding the steering tight enough to not let the steering going left or right but without me noticing the steering going towards left and I almost knock on a divider that will prolly cause the car to thumble. 

Lesson learnt. Never ever play or holding phone or do something else when I'm driving. 

Phew.

I've got a friend who cares about my family almost as much as I care. 

I am blessed and may God bless this friend forever. 

哦？

很多时候 很多人都会说这样好那样不好要这样不要那样等等的话 但是 很多时候 那些人在说出这些话 都是没有亲身经历过 里头的喜怒哀乐都没有经历过 

那么其实他们有资格说道理给人家吗 

我在想 真真的挑战才刚要开始 

祝我们好运 🍀 

little wish

When I get my own house in the future, I wanna have a wall to stick all my favourite photos on the wall. 

Ahh I should first wish I can own a house in the future lol 

Appreciation

This was taken when I travel to India with my family last year December. 

I love photos but it's getting expensive now and the quality is no longer that good compared to the earlier days when we don't have super big memory of memory card and iPads and blablabla. 

This photo tells a story: 

So here it goes...

My brother gave the kite he bought to the kids who surrounded him when he was trying to fly the kite on top of the hill. They were so happy when I brother pass the kite to them. I remember clearly the smile on their face...so happy and big smile. So we asked for a photo with them and of course they were happy enough to take a picture with my bro and sis. 

The kids are poor. Some of them don't wear pants and only wear shirts. When I say they don't wear pants, they don't even wear underwear both girls and boys. Their hands and feet are covered with dust and mud. They ask for money and food. You give one of them, a whole bunch will come to you and they fight for food, literally fight. We witnessed the fight and tried to stop them but they don't understand English much so we yelled at them and only they stop. 

So this is my India trip. I truly hope the kids are doing good...and have enough food to fill their tummy. 

存在

我觉得每个人都应该去听听汪峰的《存在》。 

一开始的歌词就包含了多么多么多的意思，多么多么的伤人心。。。

我的人生还没到那么伤痛的地步啦。只是觉得他的歌词太强了！ 

“多少次幸福却心如刀绞。。。”

Late night post

I've got so many to note down actually but I always miss the I-HAVE-THE-BLOGGING-MOOD. I'm trying to have the mood now. 

Where should I start? 

10 more days till the day I fly back to Adelaide. Mummy keep telling me to start packing but I haven't even open up the luggage. I really don't feel like going back because HOME is too damn good. Everyday I do nothing lol like a 'fei chai'. Those who always complain about their home and parents should go and eat shit lol. Parents are the best thing in the world! Nobody loves me as much as they do. Hmm my boyfriend do lolz but it's another kind of feeling. It's just...different. 

Anyway, I should really start packing because I need to pack in some food and my lovely shoes! Without noticing I bought like five pairs of shoes in these three months...I feel damn rich and happy! :) 

And this year going back to Adelaide, I need to spend less because I spent too much last year ughhhhhh. I've got limited savings to spend and I have to get myself a part time job. Hopefully I can get one haih. Reality...why you so real. 

And Mr Yap is going to Sydney to continue his study too. So, out relationship is going to face another new start, which is a good start because we are finally on the same land with 30mins of time different! Hopefully we will work things well and be happy! :) oh, he told me about this one week before he fly off and I almost give him a slap with a wok. Yeh. 

Friends. 

I've seen and feel and know who are the ones who still care about the friendship we have or we had and who don't even give a damn. This crazy cruel world fill with these people is just heart breaking! 那种心情就好像身体里的每一根血管打了一个大大的结，纠结死了，难过得不得了。ok whatever it is, I know what's letting go. No point asking them out all the time and all I get is...nothing? I guess human beings are like that and this is how the world goes lah. People move around, nothing will remains as they were forever.  

Anyway, I wish that this year will be a good year and I hope I can grow up lol! 

有些人会觉得你把事情办得妥当再告知他是他妈的理所当然 但是我偏偏讨厌这种所谓的理所当然 

难道你就不能够放多一点点的effort吗 即使是做个样子也不行吗

想了想 每个人的性格都不一样嘛 所以怨得了谁啊 

啦啦啦

朋友

废废小组 在一起肯定回做出一些神经质的事情 今天在丹戎士拔拍了一段十五秒的新年短片 乱拿人家摆设的道具当成自己的拍摄道具 我们真的厉害到级点 组里面那唯一的哥哥不小心把人家的酒壶的盖子给摔破了 哼 还对我们说没事没事 现在最好祈祷闭路电视没有拍到他的脸 哈哈哈 我保证他现在很慌了咯 想要回去修补 哈哈哈哈 如果是真的我只想说 不要三八 小事一桩 

今天玩得几开心一下 晚安 

CNY

This year's CNY seems to be extraordinary. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I've been away for months so I feel a little bit more happier and appreciate more on the things happening around me especially the traditional events such as prayers to do or so. 

The picture above is showing the night my grandma 接财神 meaning "to welcome the god of wealth". So I decided to stay up till 12am to help out and also to have fun lol. I don't think I've got a lot more chance to join all these kind of traditions later. A lot of the used to be traditions are eliminated slowly one by one. So yeah, I decided to stay up late that night. 

Happy Chinese New Year! :) 

浪子回头？

昨天工作的时候巧遇一个中学朋友。

中学时期，他长得白白瘦瘦的，带着一副眼镜，一看就是邻家男孩，听妈妈话的。过后，我和他满谈得来的，就会交换电话号码传传简讯这个那个的。但是不记得从及时开始，我们慢慢疏远，他也开始加入其他比较不听话的同学，最后几年的中学生涯都是纪律老师的'猎物'，全校都认识的风云人物，不是逃课就是逃学。。。妈妈也三不五时出现在学校见纪律老师。

但是昨天碰见他，真真的看到他改变了很多。没有以前那坏坏懒懒的样子。现在可以说是一副人模人样哈哈。跟他聊了一会儿，我也很直接的说“你真的变乖了”。他也说“bad boy 的日子过了” 现在读着mass comm。虽然比人慢了一点但是好过他停留在那年头的坏蛋。 

欣慰。

衰

今天我做工 赚了钱 也掉了钱 

好。希望这是最后一次发生衰事 接下来的日子就拜托拜托不要再更衰了。 

Rant

As we grow older as we meet the reality as we ought to handle more things in one time as we have our own family to take care as we have a job to be take the responsibility, we have to let go something in our life such as our hobby or our interest. 

My mom just told me recently that she really wish that she can have a getaway from all the things around her - shit mountain high of work load (blame her working place blame her boss blame her lazy colleagues and yes I really should!), children (fetching us around tuition, extra classes, meet ups and some boliao things) and house chores of course. She said that she wish that she can get back to the things she love to do - reading a book and listening to the music she likes and most importantly a quiet place. 

What can I do for her? Ahh. 

But I can really tell my mom is a wise lady. She takes things easily most of the time and she always tell me everything happen for a reason and everything is arranged by the god there's nothing I can do or change so learn to accept whatever is happening around bad or good. I always get quite mad when she tells me all these because I think she takes things too damn easily lol. 

Anyway it's a good day today :) 

你干脆的好 我觉得恶心死了 

很生气 很生气

trashtrashtrash

TMD.

Chill. I need to chill. 

I can't let my boyf be right on that point. 

Sometimes I wish I don't need anyone by myself and I only need me, myself and the people who REALLY care about me or I can just live by myself...

Save up all the negative thinkings, unnecessary tears and unnecessary thinkings that disturb me. 

#trash 

没关联的事

脱口而出的话 无缘无故 忙着向人道歉 搞得自己的尊严在地上滚 

一直希望自己有很多很多艺术细胞 

一直很喜欢郭采洁的脸型和 那头短短带有帅气有可爱又时髦的头发 

多希望我能穿上什么都好看 即使是一件大大的 t-shirt 和 松垮垮的裤子 多么自在 

一直是那个主动维持一段友谊的人 好累啊 时常觉得无奈的不得了 我可不可以不管那么多 我可不可以不要有那么多的感情啊 我可不可以。。。

想说声 晚安

忘

“为什么一定要忘记？”

Rant 688

At times we try too hard to achieve something. Time to relax back and chill and do nothing and just let it be. 

Time will tell us what to do. People will show us what should we do. Learn. 

11/1 helped out in an event with three different titled talks. Very interesting talk. There are talks about your signature can identify your character and how to have a good and energetic sort of signature, how colour effect your life and communication with people. The signature one is really interesting lol. My first time working at the registration counter and I didn't expect there will be people attending these kind of considered weird topics talks coz I don't think I will lol. Then, a lady who is working told me that these talks are normally for those who are working and they are lost, no direction anymore and feeling down and these talks will give them a more positive thinking and know themselves more and move forward again. 

Rm50 into my pocket :) 

Goodnight 1229am. 

 啊

This is forever

 

And I thought I lost this personal photo album when I move from Subang to Shah Alam but I found it this afternoon! I am quite happy that I found it! I made this myself in the year of 2004, which is...10 years ago! As you can see, I put my very own face on the cover hahah! Thick face a bit. 

I have to say this album really bring back a lot of memories to me. The days I spent in tuition centre, my first camp to Tapah, the people I met in camp and tuition centre, my primary school classmates (std1-6) where everyone is not in touch anymore which is sad and photos of me hahah! Ahh, even though I don't look pretty in most of the photos, in fact, I think I am not even near to pretty hahah in most of the photos but the photos really bring back a lot of memories. 

- people change; memories don't. 

Falala

没那么大的头 不要带那么大的帽 

肩膀没那么宽 不要扛下那么多工作 

人 总是拉不下面子 死爱面子 不自量力 接受很多工作 结果把自己搞得累得不像人 累得五颜六色 结果发脾气 结果连黑黑 好像全世界的人都欠他似的 结果死命埋怨一天二十四小时不够用 等等 

做自己喜欢的事情 没有错 肯定没有错 人活着就是要做自己想做和喜欢做的事情 但是 喜欢和应该要做的 应该分清楚 应该把重要的排第一 什么不应该在第一位的把它给排在后边 待会儿再去完成 这叫取舍 但是 只是暂时舍去 把该做好的先做好 然后再做喜欢做的 这听起来比较对吧 

啊 往往说比做容易多多倍 但是 我还是得学着去懂得 取舍 这是我该学会的 

掰完了。

这一篇是给自己和路过的 我没有针对任何一个人 这也只是我自己的想法。掰！

Heiduejos

I can't imagine how am I going to survive when I'm back to adelaide again in February. I enjoy sitting in the living room doing nothing just watching tv, changing tv channels, munching on biscuits, sitting like a boss, playing iPad etc. I think I'm going to have a serious homesick later! Back in adelaide, after dinner, I will just stay in my room, facing the wall in front of me, facing the laptop in front of me, lying on bed facing ceiling, listening to songs and sometimes on the phone. Life in Adelaide is so much different from home. I really enjoy sitting around in the living room...with the sound of tv even though I am not watching it lol. 

This is life after all I guess. I am growing up and I have to learn to face things by myself. Like what my mom told me. 

Ahh. 

Priorities. 

How many of us manage this well? 

Time to wake up!