Hey December

Can't believe I did it again 

I am always not calm enough 

I hate that 

But I love sharing good things to people around me 

But I have to learn to stay calm 

Before sharing things and share the love 

Lol 

I never learn hey...

Oh well 

I will share again in here once everything is confirm 

You won't believe what happened;but you have to

You won't believe what just happened on me 

I can't believe what just happened on me 

I am harmless 

But I was meant to be sacrifice this time 

It hurts 

It is not sad that I felt 

I felt more towards disappointed 

Disappointed on the management 

Disappointed on the people I trusted

Disappointed on the people that I thought they have got my back

Disappointed that actually nobody can help me 

Disappointed that nobody can answer my questions 

So - what I am trying is 

*deeeeeep breathe* 

I got replaced at work 

Not replaced officially yet 

But somehow it is quite obvious that I have got replaced 

Yes 

I worked so hard 

So what 

I worked so many overtime 

I worked with my whole heart 

I gave them whatever I have with me 

I worked with kindness 

and unfortunately this is what I got 

I got replaced in a day 

Out of the blue 

People asked me what happened 

I found out the same time they found out 

What do you expect me to know 

I am trying to take it easy 

The fact that the management is actually getting someone new to replace me 

Without letting me know before head 

And have not have the intention to officially kick me out from the position 

And the new me just sat on chair using my desk using my desktop using my notebook 

And looking all innocent

Which is unfair 

You might ask me how is it unfair 

With my visa ending so very soon it is not easy to get a new job 

I do not want to just quit this job now just because I hate the management I hate the boss 

I do not think this is rational 

I need to sustain a life 

I need to pay rents 

I need to pay insurance 

Anyway I still cannot believe this is happening on me 

I could say I am so harmless to the big people above me 

Anyway what has happened has happened 

Nothing is going to change anything 

Nobody is going to able to help me 

I have myself 

I have myself 

I need to put myself back together 

And move on 

Life goes on 

Anyway anyway

I have gained something 

I have gained experience 

And experience is going to be with me wherever I am 

Experience will be the most precious something for me to take away 

I have gained a lesson 

I have learnt to not trust everyone fully 

I have learnt to keep things by myself still learning actually

I have learnt to not show that I am annoyed on my face still learning actually 

I have learnt that human beings are ugly af 

I have learnt that hard work may not pay off 

... 

Yes 

Nobody is irreplaceable at work 

Not only at work 

... 

I still can't believe what just happened on me 

I do not have so much time to not believe it 

I have only so little time to accept the fact 

and move on 

...

my fellow friends, I am fine 

I shall be fine 

I am not weak 

I believe I can do it 

I have to do it 

...

I can't believe this just happened on me

But I am gonna be fine 

update here and there

Below give you an idea of today's society -
        

One morning, I was on a bus on the way to work - the bus was quite packed and there were people standing. When the bus stopped at one of the stop, people get down one by one but one of the lady did not manage to get down, guess she was standing quite behind of the bus and some people blocked her way out - hence, the bus started to move again.

She kinda raised her voice to tell the driver to stop the bus - 'hey driver! hey driver!' 

Nobody gives a shit to help her to stop the driver.

Anyway, the driver stopped at the next stop and she got down on the next stop.

This is the society - today. I was one of them. 

Next - 

The stupidest mistake I made this year - rejecting a job offer early this year.

If I have had accepted that job, I am probably applying for AU PR right now, right this moment. 

But nope, I rejected. I thought I made the right decision. 

I kinda regret now - 

I am not sure if I am happy now. 

I am going through so much this year...I feel like it at least. 

I am going through so much...it's not even funny. 

I was thinking - if I am not here in Sydney, I am back in MY, what will I be doing? How am I gonna be? I am gonna be as the same as today? 

So many questions and what ifs going on my mind. So many. 

So many uncertainties. So many so many. 

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