Wednesday, December 29, 2021

打包2021年

 


1. 今年最难忘的是应该(肯定)是被诊断有忧郁症和焦虑症。直到今天,虽然说我已经接受这个事实但是每当回想的时候都会觉得有点不可思议。一直以来,我都觉得我是一个满快乐的人但是殊不知其实不好的情绪正在慢慢的吞噬我的内心哈哈。但是,话说回来,还是满好的经验啦。但是,我不想再回到那个黑暗的世界。。。真的很黑暗好可怕花了好多力气才走的出来。这个经验也让我深深明白mental health的重要性,比任何事情都重要, 没有一个健康的心理生活真的会变得好难过。好好爱自己好重要。加油。

2. 虽然是说被诊断有一对乱七八糟的病症,但是还是完成了200小时的瑜伽教师课程,还是值得欣慰(虽然过程很累也很辛苦因为当时我还不知道我身上的莫名疼痛是来自于忧郁症)。anyway 我现在可说是一名瑜伽老师!还蛮骄傲的,只因为我没想过我终于完成了一件蛮有意义的事。整个瑜伽课程不只学会了瑜伽的技巧,也学会了好好生活的重要性而好好生活不仅仅代表你有很多钱能够过得很奢侈等等。我们的每天简单的活动,刷牙洗脸好好开始每一天好好结束每一天,吃的, 用的, 想的,都会直接影响我们的生活。接下来,就是把学以致用啦还有maybe开始教学啦!

3. 我觉得今年我好像有两个突破哦。第一个突破应该就是要好好感谢自己慢慢地踏出depression,好好感受真真的 生 活。第二个的突破就是完成了200小时的瑜伽课程。

4. 看书。。。真的好难哈哈。但是我还是有完成了一本小小的书,作者是一名来自于日本的艺术家,书本是关于她自己的生活方法,她对生活的想法等等。我现在也刚好在读者一本书(一个好朋友送的),书名叫做‘how to stop worrying and start living',根本就是写给我的嘛还是说这位朋友也太会选了哈哈。我会好好把这本书读完,慢慢消化里头要传达的讯息。我会让自己变得更好的!

5. 我今年念头本来是说今年我要尝试弄sourdough,结果今天已经是29号了,我还没弄哦哈哈哈。明年再试试吧。but at least,今年我弄了好多成功的戚风蛋糕。呵呵。

6.要感恩的时其实很多,要感恩我的妈妈一直一直好有耐心的开导我。。uh话说我也是一个大人了还需要那么多的开导真的还蛮好笑,所以我很感恩我的妈妈。然后也很感恩zw也很有耐心也很有能耐地每天听我重复性的说了好多negative的话,我一直觉得如果没有他陪我可能我会死掉,或许我不会死掉,但是会很糟糕,所以好感谢他没有把我丢在路边哈哈。还有,我也很感恩我的网友们哈哈哈哈(是因为这个没完没了的死covid),我的好朋友们都快变成我的网友了,很感谢她们的鼓励啊,不定时的慰问啊等等。说真的,一句简单的how are you,在你很需要一个人的支持或是virtual陪伴是感动的,是瞬间让你觉得其实你不是一个人。所以说,今年我也领悟了,学习独处很重要。毕竟人来到世上的时候是一个人,走的时候也是一个人。。。我们要学会独处,我是说当你一个人的时候不会觉得孤独。

7.我真的不怎么喜欢看戏。哈啊哈。但是印象深刻的应该是爆红一时的鱿鱼游戏,一部人性的短剧。

8. 在我最低落的时候躺在床上躲在厕所是最放松的时候。躺在床上闭上眼睛眼泪默默留下来。在厕所洗澡莫名想到死亡莫名大哭迟迟不出来。。。我不会忘记。 

9. 对自己的小发现。。有好几个 - 其实我比自己想的还要再坚强一些也勇敢一些,我以为我做不到的其实都做得到。比如说我一直以来觉得我无力的手臂其实也可以慢慢练渐渐的变的有力至少现在我的chaturange做的还蛮ok,虽然说不是完美,但是我满意我也有看到自己的进步。所以瑜伽真的不是凹来凹去的,好好练慢慢练你会发现其实身体的各个部位都有它们的作用,同时你也会发现,your body can do much more than you think you can。

10. zhuwei肯定是那位今年一直陪着我的人,不离不弃。。(好肉麻)

11. 哪都没能去还说什么美食呢。。

12. 我问了zhuwei同一个问题,他说他会想对自己说‘believe in yourself’。嗯,这句话也很适合我用。但是,我想想,我会想跟自己说声 加油,好好活在当下,好好继续生活,即便将来会有哪些挫折,都要勇敢,都要冷静处理。


今年的reflection蛮好的


谢谢你,我自己。继续加油。继续好起来。

只有这样,生活才会越来越好。

如果你也在看这篇乱七八糟的reflection,我也希望你越来越好!


再见了2021!

一个充满开心悲伤懊恼的一年。

但是也让我更了解自己的一年。




Thursday, September 16, 2021

乱来一下

 说真的

我的脑袋里想的事情

很多也很多余也很令人焦虑也很烦

第一件事

你怕死吗

我很怕

为什么呢

之我倒也还在思考我怕什么呢

我想了想我应该是很怕我是生病死痛死被病痛折磨死

我是不是傻 

我妈说我可能太好命了乱想东西

我想可能也是

话说你什么时候会生病什么时候会死真的有谁知道啊

除了天上的神地下的阎罗王应该没有人了吧

但是如果说我现在很努力的保持健康生活然后很不幸的生病了

那你说这是(?)

是我想多了吧 应该是的

所以我才会焦虑啊 

焦虑是一个很可怕的漩涡不见底啊

但是我得克服它 

next

我觉得人类真的很难知足欸

点解

你看哦 啊先说明我不是消费任何人纯粹我个人的想法

🆗 当某某人不行去世了当然就会有很多人悼念啊之类的

即使是过了一年还是会的 

这其实没有什么事的 其实也很合理啊

但是我又想了想哦

其实我们要对一个人多好多好才不会留下任何遗憾呢

你也帮我想想吧

Monday, June 14, 2021

om

 200h of Yoga Teach Training - done and dusted

4 months of amazing learning about not just yoga and asanas 

but life, inner-self, kindness, love, supportive and the list go on 

it is kinda crazy that yoga has brought so much to life

it is kinda crazy that yoga has brought so many people together 

as one of the yogi in the class said "you know when we all are meant to meet each other?" 

that's right 

we were all meant to meet each other and support each other 

during the final assessment everyone has showed their true self and their deepest story, which is beautiful 

i truly understand the meaning of beautiful after the training 

my heart was so full on the final assessment day 

yes, the training has come to an end but a new journey is just about to start 

may all the good things come together gradually and steadily 

may all is well 

namaste 

Saturday, January 30, 2021

30012021

 hello blog

so this month has been pretty good i guess 

i signed up for a 200h ytt course (finally) after talking about it for a year now 

well thats because of the pandemic 

and also i am super paranoid 

speaking of the pandemic situation 

australia seems to be fine now 

but not back home 

back home is bad 

very very very bad 

cant even tell when can i head home 

besides that lets talk about health 

i did my yearly ultrasound to follow up on my pcos condition 

turn out okay pretty much the same as last year's result so i guess i am fine 

but my brain is crazy i am always afraid of getting sick and the big C 

always 

i am trying to overcoming this trust me i am 

but the more i try the harder it gets 

its mentally torturing not only me but also zw (sigh) 

but at the same time im glad i have zw

well he didnt manage to calm me down in this case 

but at least he is more rational than me 

so whatever he said actually allowed me to re-think what i am thinking 

and have maybe 15 minutes of peace in mind haha 

he has 4 phrases (we compiled them today) 

1. dont think too much 

2. no lah 

3. where got 

4. (i cant remember anymore) 

all very useless commonly used phrases 

but sometimes he would say something like 

my family has no C history so dont think too much 

and think about it only when shit really happened 

because i am now groan without illness (translate from chinese)

which is quite ridiculous la 

why would i kill my healthy cells 

even my family dr back home told me if you think negative your body will turn negative

but it takes time 

thats why this year i wanna focus more on myself 

i am slowly picking up meditation 

i hope that helps 

anyway back to my YTT course 

i am quite excited to be honest!!!

 i guess i really like yoga thats why 

but in the same time nervous as well 

besides that 

i went for a flow class today 

i really love what the yoga teacher said this morning 

she mentioned that everything comes in a circle 

something will come to an end eventually and something new will start again 

but what really hits me is that she used to had a full time job but then it was unhealthy and stress etc (everything shit things you can think of about working in an office) 

so she picked up yoga and starts teaching and she loves it 

at that very very moment something in my mind is telling me that 

thats what i want too 

i want to leave the office life

i want to leave the toxic shit hole 

but not now not now

be patient 

good things come later 

so lets see

i am quite positive that things will change

i hope one day my office life will end 

and a new cycle will start with love peace harmony kindness and happiness 

and only all the good things

and the yoga calss ended with a chanting by the yoga tchr 

believe it or not 

i actually felt  like crying 

and i did teared 

something just made me feel like 

we only have one body why are we being so harsh to our body 

basically something like that 

i guess i was just feeling pretty shit recently 

there are a lot of reasons for me to feel that way 

anywayyyyyyy 

stay positive 

practice yoga 

be healthy 

i wish 

i am healthy 

at least i am now

i have a blood test to be done...

*fingers crossed*


Friday, January 1, 2021

2021 resolution

这是和欠欣和小巴比一起视讯写下来2021的目标

我们不会太刻薄,我们说我们至少要达成3个目标

没有达到3个目标的人就得请吃一餐

hmmm 请banana tree hotel的自助餐?

笑死宝宝了

但是这个视讯我很珍惜,我很珍惜这样的友谊

不用经常联络,但是心里一直有对方在

就足够了

毕竟到了我这个年纪,想要拥有一个知心好友真有够难

真心对待你的还有几个啊

5根手指应该数的完

anyway,2020终于过了

但是病菌依然存在

所以我们还是得继续好好抗疫好好保护自己保护别人好好对待身边的人

接下来的日子,善待自己善待别人就够了

就够了

am i over it or...not

hi es how have you been  lets be a little cliche how are you my inner child  haha  overall i think i am doing pretty well  though there are ...