a broken dream

hi

i guess i am heading home soon

im not sure if i am ready to do this

i am not sure if i am accepting the fact, yet

it is a tough road lots of money spent lots of time spent lots of confusion along the way

but i have to say i was not alone which i am grateful

not sure what would happen if i am here facing all these by myself

perhaps i have gone home much earlier

is the baharu home gonna work for me

or i have to mem-baharu myself to make things work

i guess i will find out soon

sigh

it was a long journey

so many times i thought i would get it

so many times i was and we were so close to it

yet it is so far

is this fate

is this destiny

away from home for years

away from people i used to be close for years

indeed i have lived a life in my own way

most of the time it is just me myself and zhuwei

and nobody else

now that if i were to head home

it is no longer me and myself and zhuwei

there are papa mama bro and a lot more

other than that

work will be so damn different too

am i even ready for this

i guess i have tried my best we have tried our best here

and it is time to face another new challenge

i have a bad habit

or i shall say i am very conservative

i have always set a goal for myself

where i have a stable job and earning dollars when i am 25

now today i am 26 i have a job and earning dollars

but i would not say it is stable

i thought this would be it

but nope

life is full of challenges

i thought of blaming myself for choosing the path at the very very very first place

which is 5 years ago

which also does not make sense

there is nothing i can do to bring time back to 5 years ago to restart everything again

what i can do is to look forward and work harder to make things work

make things work better

i also thought of blaming the regulations and stuffs

but i guess we tried he tried

and now i guess it is time to let go

and is this a broken dream

perhaps

and it is time to create a new dream

and make it come true